re/membering

“you good back there, Britt?” 

“yea, i’m so content. the land just fills up your soul out here, you know?! … i understand our families left here for different reasons and for more opportunity you know, but being out here makes you wonder- what did we gain, but also what did we lose?” 

“i think we lost a lot more than we gained.” 

—

we were driving in an ATV through the mountain meadows of northern new mexico with my good friend, her uncle, and our girls this past saturday.  we went to new mexico for a summer getaway & a recharge. my family & i got back home to colorado on monday evening and i’m already missing the slower pace of life of new mexico. we were there only long enough to get a taste of what my nervous system craves…

being there, the land does awaken something inside of me.

it’s a re/membering. 

a coming home. 

a lot of people talk about new mexico being magical, “the land of enchantment,” a portal, even. they talk about the vastness of the sky (and spaceships in the sky)! for me, these last two summers there i have felt a connection to ancestors, to a slower pace of life, to the land, to little family, my and yea - to other dimensions. 

when i get curious about what my lineage lost by leaving this way of life, i do not intend to romanticize or mock the struggles of our families. living on the rancho and in a small town is no joke. but I do wonder about this yearning inside. this yearning (as my cousin described it on the phone tonight), for the land, for more time together; for rest, for slowness, for stillness; for living with less. 

driving back yesterday, i felt anxiety, overwhelm, fatigue. not only was i acclimating back to my busy life as a working mom, business owner, educator, community worker - but acclimating to what many of us are feeling-  the shifting energy of the world new dimensions, new timelines, new downloads. 😵‍💫

so I write. because it must live outside of me.

the message for many of us these past few days, weeks, months, years …. continues to get louder .. be yourself. be the light. be magical, colorful, artistic, say the thing. do the thing. whatever that means for you.

and so i write. 

—

brittni laura

july 2025 

—

my paternal grandmother’s family was raised in ledoux, nm. we still have family in mora and ledoux. and my cousins on my mother’s side have family in las vegas, nm. i was lucky to get to road trip with them as kids. and there are many more connections and stories. 

however, this story is not unique to me. it is the story of many chicanas/os/es and manitas/os/es living in occupied territory. in the so called united states. in the borderlands.